"A Costume Party in December , are you mental?" I said to my friend John . "It's original and I already paid for the VIP room so ha!"
John was always planning things so weirdly. The Leap Year foam party that everyone missed cause of daylight savings time and misprinted calenders . Lets just saying showing up to a club in a Borat swimsuit a day early is not fun , especially if it 's "Lifes A Drag" gays night at Club Kaia. Jean and I were going to this costume party as cops and robbers. I had the costume on ready and was ready to go. Jean wanted me to go on without her as she said her hair looked " Fucky" and wanted her Jillpill to come and fix it for her. "You look fine baby , lets just go" I said seeing as she did look great. "Ah Baby just go , I'll be there OK. I love you." she say with her blue eyes looking at me.
"I love you too " those were the last words I said before I saw her three days later.
NEW YEARS EVIL.
By Robert Burford Jr.
Chapter one .The Costume Party.
Walking down the road , I saw a fight break out . Two white guys getting over a fight as one of them threw a snowball at the others girlfriend. I had nothing to do , so I broke it up and told them to "Stop and -" before I could finish the girlfriend of the guy spits in my face. Having a temper for that sort of Mucus shower , I punched her boyfriend. "Thank you for that my friend , officer-blome" he Say's in a German accent.
"You're welcome but I'm not a officer" I say in the mist of confusion
"Yes you are , you're exactly who I've been looking for Mr. Heywood J Blome."
Shocked I replied " You do know the context of the jok-". Before I could reply I get punched in the gut and put into a limo. It's negative 2 and I'm getting punched in the gut by someone I just saved.
"Listen (coughs) you have the wrong guy , let me show you my ID"
I pull out my wallet and forgot I left my drivers license with Jean cause I always lose it at parties. "Wait OK , I have credit cards"
The German guy looks at me and grins " How do I know they aren't under a fake name?"
I sigh knowing he wouldn't believe me . Looking out the window not knowing where I was going , we drive past Club Kaia , I see Jean standing there looking for me . " Fine Piece of Ass Huh Comrade?" the German says
"That's my damn wife you asshole!" I say before he pistol whips me knocking me unconscious.
I woke up in a chair not strapped or gagged.
LOUD SPEAKER: HELLO MR. BLOME , I SEE YOU'VE AWOKEN FROM YOUR PISTOL ACCOMMODATED STUPOR. SUPER! THAT MUST MEAN YOU'RE READY FOR THE SERIES OF CHALLENGES I'VE GIVEN YOU. YOU MUST COMPLETE THEM OR YOUR FRIENDS AT THE CLUB WILL DIE TONITE. IT'S NEW YEARS EVE NO? SO YOU'VE TILL TWELVE TO COMPLETE THEM . IF YOU SAVE THEM HOWEVER YOU WILL DIE IF YOU DON'T SAVE THEM YOU LIVE . ENJOY GOODNITE AND GOD BLESS.
I hear the vibration of the phone on the ground . It's a loud brrr sound. I pick it up looking at the "1 new message" it bestowed. Opening it I had I had my first mission.
From Brian:
Hello Comrade You're first mission is to kill Stretch McMahon , gun is in the bathroom in the first stall. You've ten minutes to get across town. One thousand dollars for you in his pocket. Retrieve it and purchase the drugs for your second mission . More to come :)
So It's come to this , just a everyday guy with a perfect wife and now sent to kill a stranger. I hate the New York Nite Life.
Chapter 2 : Stretch Gets His. coming soon.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Random Thoughts. 5:00 Funk.
Random Thoughts. 5:00am Funk.
By Robert Burford Jr.
Every time I listen to "In A Silent Way (Rehearsal)" I think back to a day when I tried to be Romantic. I was still with Sarah and it was Valentines Day. It was the first Valentines day besides with my Ex Fiance that meant something to me. I was happy . They were times like others that buying something for somebody would be something that makes me feel whole. Listening to it , It makes me wish I wasn't the hopeless romantic. I'm not mad. Sarah appreciated , Elisa Appreciated it and even that Crazy Bitch with a heart liked it.
My mind loves to put me in movie like situations. Hoping the one I like will show up at the door and say
" Robert It's Been You All Along"
Instead of
" So you think you can talk to Brandon for me?"
You see I'm not a hater , and I haven't seen one love story too many. It's just , I was born with a lot of love. Its something knowing , somewhere the one I love is either thinking the same thing or is Dropping out of college , either one. What? College is expensive!
Seeing as I should once again signed up for classes , I have not. LAME huh? So , Mr. Bob , why do you write these anecdotes no one reads?
Well the answer is simple my friends. I'm insane. If it entertains me , it's all that matters. Hell even my brother doesn't read them , but I still love him deeply. Sarah read them , and actually liked them , like no bullshit , I'm not flattering you and liked for me to read them like them. It was insane, which is why I think I became so depressed.
Our minds where at love at first thought , but was it love at first sight? I don't know and really don't care. It's seems to me like it just ain't right that I was shown the preview but didn't have the muster for the whole thing. I'm glad she's happy though and she whom she is always around is happy too. It's like it was the Lego piece that was always there but never put together.
Randomly writing It reminds me of a story:
The Tale Of Sir Galahads ( For Love)
Sir Galahads was a fierce knight who rode his horse on every full moon.
The Moon acting as a spotlight
Shining On It's Fearless Leader
He Rode and Rode
Yet nobody knew where too
He rode to find
Someone to complete him
To share his ride
Into a eventual sunrise
Though Brave
No one saw him
As if the princess he saved
Was always asleep when doing so
She woke up one day
Heard the gallop
It was too late
As the horse who neighed in the Night
Was galloping alone
Rusted and Torn
He'd Given Up
Fierce In War
He Lost The Battle.
God Bless and Good Nite
-Robert
(c)2008
By Robert Burford Jr.
Every time I listen to "In A Silent Way (Rehearsal)" I think back to a day when I tried to be Romantic. I was still with Sarah and it was Valentines Day. It was the first Valentines day besides with my Ex Fiance that meant something to me. I was happy . They were times like others that buying something for somebody would be something that makes me feel whole. Listening to it , It makes me wish I wasn't the hopeless romantic. I'm not mad. Sarah appreciated , Elisa Appreciated it and even that Crazy Bitch with a heart liked it.
My mind loves to put me in movie like situations. Hoping the one I like will show up at the door and say
" Robert It's Been You All Along"
Instead of
" So you think you can talk to Brandon for me?"
You see I'm not a hater , and I haven't seen one love story too many. It's just , I was born with a lot of love. Its something knowing , somewhere the one I love is either thinking the same thing or is Dropping out of college , either one. What? College is expensive!
Seeing as I should once again signed up for classes , I have not. LAME huh? So , Mr. Bob , why do you write these anecdotes no one reads?
Well the answer is simple my friends. I'm insane. If it entertains me , it's all that matters. Hell even my brother doesn't read them , but I still love him deeply. Sarah read them , and actually liked them , like no bullshit , I'm not flattering you and liked for me to read them like them. It was insane, which is why I think I became so depressed.
Our minds where at love at first thought , but was it love at first sight? I don't know and really don't care. It's seems to me like it just ain't right that I was shown the preview but didn't have the muster for the whole thing. I'm glad she's happy though and she whom she is always around is happy too. It's like it was the Lego piece that was always there but never put together.
Randomly writing It reminds me of a story:
The Tale Of Sir Galahads ( For Love)
Sir Galahads was a fierce knight who rode his horse on every full moon.
The Moon acting as a spotlight
Shining On It's Fearless Leader
He Rode and Rode
Yet nobody knew where too
He rode to find
Someone to complete him
To share his ride
Into a eventual sunrise
Though Brave
No one saw him
As if the princess he saved
Was always asleep when doing so
She woke up one day
Heard the gallop
It was too late
As the horse who neighed in the Night
Was galloping alone
Rusted and Torn
He'd Given Up
Fierce In War
He Lost The Battle.
God Bless and Good Nite
-Robert
(c)2008
Friday, May 16, 2008
The Marlows Complex.
Tonite was a bummer of a nite. It was misunderstandings ala no audience laughter amongst us. I wish I could say I was the bad guy in the situation but I'm not. In fact , if anything I don't know what I am . Just Mr. Bob I suppose.
The Marlow's Complex
I am a certified Neurotic. Do I want to be? No . It came to me through life's hidden nuances and my thought ,yes like my hair , receding. My life is great , yet the love in this club aspect still remains a mystery. I think of it this way. I'm not that bad of a guy. In fact I've been call " Too Nice " or "What A Nice Guy" or " Oh I thought he was Gay" . Now you might think me insane , and I am but I've always been down the road always traveled. If i didn't I'd be on the straight track to relationship like happiness. I've come across many women in my life. Everything from Bakers to Vdubs , snagglepusses to sparrows. Yet it's as if I'm watching the same movie all the time.
I always think of it like this. I always see a trailer for a great movie.The timing is right , and i can't what to see it. Now it's strange as , when you get the real movie , you're not happy anymore. All the good things were in the trailers and you're still looking for a marquee with nothing but good things I want to see.
Now don't get me wrong. I don't think of myself as this "Oh my God look at him" kind of guy. I'm more of the " Excuse me sir , you forgot to tie your ... Oh I didn't see you had leukemia due to the patches on your head" kind of guy. It's sort of like Gods weird scavenger hunt. I've found the plain Jane , the crazy psycho bitch , the one were it felt rite but it was flash forward to fast , and the one who sees what she wants in me but cannot grasp the fact .
Now I'm not perfect , I wear my heart on my sleeve as if it was tattooed there by a Buddhist monk some years ago. I thought I was so cool cause I had no more Mr. Nice Guy by Alice Cooper which still to this day makes me wonder why anyone would name there demonic son Alice and not Eric " Hot Damn" Boone. It's all good to say the least. I've found my self slowly drowning in the smoothness sans the rough edges of vodka bottles. I'm not an alcoholic and this is three years beyond a cry for help. Just airing my grievances to the five people who'll read this and the three times I proofread it to make sure it's' my space friendly.
I've been told I've been way too nice and thats my downfall . Judging from tonites happenings , I'm sure that it will be my demise. My niceness is causing me to hate even more. Like REEAAALLLY HATE. The thought of a relationship (speaking terms of myself) makes me want to watch a Dane Cook /Carlos Mencia special while Top Gun is in the background. Yes that is my version of hell. Sometimes though , watching the asshole from the sideline liquor the girl you've been eying up , and then they cry on your shoulder and wonder why "all guys" are bad but again are crying on my shoulder , it makes me wonder , should I care at all.
I'm leaning towards a hell no and a wow what a moment of enlightenment. The cloudy truth. Aside from my mom and some others , I don't think I should care anymore. My heart is becoming like the Grinch in the end but in reverse. I feel as if I'm turning into some green monster with yellow teeth that hate all the hoos in hooville.
Do I think I'll stay that way?
No but the way things have been going , I'm libel to say something . It'll shoot out like a cannon and I'm sure I'm going to inhale the smoke from the shot and have it engulf my lungs in gray guilt over the sudden outburst of the 1812 overture cannon shots. I love this world , yet ad mist the love of family and the love of friends , I'm growing more to loathe the inane aspects of subtle nastiness.
Well That's all I had to say. If you'd like to comment please do. Nobody will though, It's a nice thought. Well as I think of how I'm going to see this sparrow and if it'll fly when I'm around , I tell you Good Nite ,Love Life and loathe only those who thoroughly deserve it.
Be Safe
Mr. Bob (c) 2008
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Little known Facts : Rap Songs!
Ten Interesting facts about Rap Songs
Pop Bottles by Lil Wayne and Birdman
It's such a good song pop bottles. Did you know it started off as a chips commercial?
"Pass those Chips man
And Then Pop Pringles."
Lil known fact "Birdman is a combination of Superman , and Big Bird. Growing up Birdman or Arnold Levenowitz loved rap and the his love of Sesame Street and Smallville even though he would not be born till 1971 and smallville would not air till 2005. He also loved Buffy the Vampire Slayer which almost led to him being called Morris which coencidentally was not a character on the show and caused his eventual depression and a reality show in development on VH1 called Project Chick in which Seventeen women from Flavor Of Love and Fourteen women who act "black" . It's such a good show let me tell you with the elimination phrase being "I'm Sorry But you're not a hot of girl as I thought you was " which led to the series being two hours longer as his reality show would be remixed by Dj Khaled , Who ? We Nigga him self. It's the first series as well to be chopped and screwed as well , which led to many angry white elderly people chucking there tv's out the window and furious midnite dinners at Denny's.
Cyclone by Baby Bash
Cyclone or Better watch out for that Aunt Flo as it's known in Japan , is an old ancient proverb from Sir Thylonius Painious who used to ghost write for shakes pere . His play "Doth Patron Goth Me Looseth" was ill recieved and the last play Shakespere wrote before he died. His last words before he died were "Wurr Wurr Wurr" which is what the car engine sound is in the song we speak of. It's also about a fat women who drank to much and proceed to spin around aimlessly like a cyclone , which led to the deaths of several midgets on Wiz On Dat Oz Nite.
This is crazy , it's amazing indeed.
Well that's it for now. Peace Out MotherF**KAS
I'm so not hood. Not Gonna Lie.
-Mr. Bob
Pop Bottles by Lil Wayne and Birdman
It's such a good song pop bottles. Did you know it started off as a chips commercial?
"Pass those Chips man
And Then Pop Pringles."
Lil known fact "Birdman is a combination of Superman , and Big Bird. Growing up Birdman or Arnold Levenowitz loved rap and the his love of Sesame Street and Smallville even though he would not be born till 1971 and smallville would not air till 2005. He also loved Buffy the Vampire Slayer which almost led to him being called Morris which coencidentally was not a character on the show and caused his eventual depression and a reality show in development on VH1 called Project Chick in which Seventeen women from Flavor Of Love and Fourteen women who act "black" . It's such a good show let me tell you with the elimination phrase being "I'm Sorry But you're not a hot of girl as I thought you was " which led to the series being two hours longer as his reality show would be remixed by Dj Khaled , Who ? We Nigga him self. It's the first series as well to be chopped and screwed as well , which led to many angry white elderly people chucking there tv's out the window and furious midnite dinners at Denny's.
Cyclone by Baby Bash
Cyclone or Better watch out for that Aunt Flo as it's known in Japan , is an old ancient proverb from Sir Thylonius Painious who used to ghost write for shakes pere . His play "Doth Patron Goth Me Looseth" was ill recieved and the last play Shakespere wrote before he died. His last words before he died were "Wurr Wurr Wurr" which is what the car engine sound is in the song we speak of. It's also about a fat women who drank to much and proceed to spin around aimlessly like a cyclone , which led to the deaths of several midgets on Wiz On Dat Oz Nite.
This is crazy , it's amazing indeed.
Well that's it for now. Peace Out MotherF**KAS
I'm so not hood. Not Gonna Lie.
-Mr. Bob
Friday, May 9, 2008
Miss Construed
Thought I knew her
She didn't know my name
Gave me the token
So I Could Play The Game
She didn't know me
I've known her my whole life
She gave me daughter
Tried To make her my wife
In the end
Was Miss Construed
She tried to explain
Life is a sham
We should all give up
Not give a damn
It was too much for me
To see the other side of things
Side Of Things
Grew up in the church
Didn't believe in God
Her Dad was a pastor
He didn't find it odd
She tried to reach me
In a Email one till
Till the flow of alcohol
Flew me away.
She didn't know my name
Gave me the token
So I Could Play The Game
She didn't know me
I've known her my whole life
She gave me daughter
Tried To make her my wife
In the end
Was Miss Construed
She tried to explain
Life is a sham
We should all give up
Not give a damn
It was too much for me
To see the other side of things
Side Of Things
Grew up in the church
Didn't believe in God
Her Dad was a pastor
He didn't find it odd
She tried to reach me
In a Email one till
Till the flow of alcohol
Flew me away.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
The OHGOD
The OHGOD or Overtexting Her Goes On Deadly is a organization that helps those who can't stop when it comes to Texting women or women they like . Pleasdonttextmeanymourous Is A Disease that is cured by dating or the often sought after Woeisme Energy drink. Most times Overtexting is cause by the death of a phone or maybe shear paranoia after a few drinks. I remember Justin Moapis said to me He and his wife got a divorce because his jokes were just lol and not ROTFL.
The Overtext is a growing epidemic. I've been a victim of it. Just two years ago I was texting normal , getting my fair share of LOL's and :)'s . Then I couldn't stop ! My fingers asking stupid stuff like how's your nite going? *(for the fifth time)* and Would you rather commit suicide or watch a dane cook special ( which that question ends in a stalemate.). It started in the 1800's way before texting.
Jonah Mordor was a folk singer and a jester. His hit with Lil John and his merry men " What's with all this famine and Trickery?" was what Shakespere called Doth Eh. Jonah being a man of big stature loved a feeble yet beautiful woman named Euclid . He would always shoot arrows to her window and she'd always E-mule and it was a pain in the ass , yes I know , I just hope your brain isn't lactose intolerant. One day his verizon arrow missed the sprint window and hit her in her eye which was horrible as she was a pirate before and had removed her eye as well as her ears when Shakepere wrote a horrible play called Topus Gunnus.
She was completely blind and deaf. She broke up with him as he would constantly write in braile and she could not feel where he was coming from anymore.
We at OHGOD help our patients feel at home . We sit them down with the sound of dialtones filling the room. We do aroma therapy which consist of the smell of a dead battery in lavender and a dad crying because he just saw the phone bill. We do therapy sessions every Tuesday and Friday. Let's listen in shall we?
Hi my name is Eric and I'm an Overtexter
(Room says Hi Eric!)
I couldn't stop. It was going good. She actually texted me how I was goin you know ? Me! I'm always the one who does it. Two hours of LOL's and I think I got a sentimental Smiley . It was the great Ben Franklin who said "Bitches Love Smiley Faces". Then my thumb got tingly. I'd just made a good joke and then I started asking lame question after lame question like " What do you think about the theory of relativity? or "If Today Is Not Tommorow then is the past the present when the future comes to light or is the future the past and we exist in the present tommorow if it's really not today?" you know lame stuff like that . Which is weird though as the response I got was that of Huh? and What are you Patronizing me?. I had to suffice and tell a dane cook joke . It was a last resort , trust me.
( The Dane cook joke that was used)
If you're going to type a Dane Cook Joke Make sure you use caps lock.)
I GO TO THE MALL AND THERES THIS OLD GUY AND I'M LIKE HEY OLD GUY AND I PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE AND THERES BLOOD EVERYWHERE AND I'M A TOOL SO I LAUGHED AND HE DROPPED A SALT SHAKER IN HIS PANTS AND HE WENT INTO A SEIZURE AND I SAID TO MYSELF I WISH I HAD DROPPED MY FRIES CAUSE THAT DAMN OLD BASTARD TOOK MY SALT. ( Then the joke goes into how he denouced God became the anti christ and made half the world angry seeing as loud isn't funny unless you're Sam Kinison or A TV Evangelist"but by this time half the audience is asleep.)
Anyway back to the therapy session.
She said LOL and then she said I was a sell out because I didn't have a kick ass signature like Stacys Bitch. Which is weird cause her name was Maureen.
If you ever feel like you're at the end of you're texting rope , come to OHGOD. It'll give you're thumbs a rest.
If you want a brochure send it to :
OHGOD
Notagain , Rhode Island
911911
(c) 2008
The Overtext is a growing epidemic. I've been a victim of it. Just two years ago I was texting normal , getting my fair share of LOL's and :)'s . Then I couldn't stop ! My fingers asking stupid stuff like how's your nite going? *(for the fifth time)* and Would you rather commit suicide or watch a dane cook special ( which that question ends in a stalemate.). It started in the 1800's way before texting.
Jonah Mordor was a folk singer and a jester. His hit with Lil John and his merry men " What's with all this famine and Trickery?" was what Shakespere called Doth Eh. Jonah being a man of big stature loved a feeble yet beautiful woman named Euclid . He would always shoot arrows to her window and she'd always E-mule and it was a pain in the ass , yes I know , I just hope your brain isn't lactose intolerant. One day his verizon arrow missed the sprint window and hit her in her eye which was horrible as she was a pirate before and had removed her eye as well as her ears when Shakepere wrote a horrible play called Topus Gunnus.
She was completely blind and deaf. She broke up with him as he would constantly write in braile and she could not feel where he was coming from anymore.
We at OHGOD help our patients feel at home . We sit them down with the sound of dialtones filling the room. We do aroma therapy which consist of the smell of a dead battery in lavender and a dad crying because he just saw the phone bill. We do therapy sessions every Tuesday and Friday. Let's listen in shall we?
Hi my name is Eric and I'm an Overtexter
(Room says Hi Eric!)
I couldn't stop. It was going good. She actually texted me how I was goin you know ? Me! I'm always the one who does it. Two hours of LOL's and I think I got a sentimental Smiley . It was the great Ben Franklin who said "Bitches Love Smiley Faces". Then my thumb got tingly. I'd just made a good joke and then I started asking lame question after lame question like " What do you think about the theory of relativity? or "If Today Is Not Tommorow then is the past the present when the future comes to light or is the future the past and we exist in the present tommorow if it's really not today?" you know lame stuff like that . Which is weird though as the response I got was that of Huh? and What are you Patronizing me?. I had to suffice and tell a dane cook joke . It was a last resort , trust me.
( The Dane cook joke that was used)
If you're going to type a Dane Cook Joke Make sure you use caps lock.)
I GO TO THE MALL AND THERES THIS OLD GUY AND I'M LIKE HEY OLD GUY AND I PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE AND THERES BLOOD EVERYWHERE AND I'M A TOOL SO I LAUGHED AND HE DROPPED A SALT SHAKER IN HIS PANTS AND HE WENT INTO A SEIZURE AND I SAID TO MYSELF I WISH I HAD DROPPED MY FRIES CAUSE THAT DAMN OLD BASTARD TOOK MY SALT. ( Then the joke goes into how he denouced God became the anti christ and made half the world angry seeing as loud isn't funny unless you're Sam Kinison or A TV Evangelist"but by this time half the audience is asleep.)
Anyway back to the therapy session.
She said LOL and then she said I was a sell out because I didn't have a kick ass signature like Stacys Bitch. Which is weird cause her name was Maureen.
If you ever feel like you're at the end of you're texting rope , come to OHGOD. It'll give you're thumbs a rest.
If you want a brochure send it to :
OHGOD
Notagain , Rhode Island
911911
(c) 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Mr Bob Loses His Keys
It was Friday and it was all set. I'd just gotten off work , a good start to a good day. We turn in our weapons and go home which is weird as I work at the Shopette. J.K. Anyway after dreaming of Tall girls with short hair , I got up and said it's time for a run. Something told me to stay home. I mean I had a hot date with this red head I'd met at Barnes and Noble and there was this huge party , life was Sweet to say the least .
Listening to Rick Ross's Everyday I'm Hustlin gets me pumped as I run around. Headphones in ears , my phone on blast and my keys a jingling. 60 minutes of happiness and enlightenment. I felt God in my soul running down the sidewalk of a No Morale town . Sweat comes off my head as I go to the Shoppete as water is a must. So there I am running Headphones in ears , my phone on blast and my ke... My KEYS! Where the hell are my keys?! I look around searching desperately for them.
4:00pm
I walk the same path over and over .
One New Text Message
Brooke
I'm Really Excited about our nite ! I have to tell you , I've always been stood up though , but I know you're different. By the way, No Undies tonite Hehe . :)
Two thoughts came to mind :
When she said no undies , did she mean me or her?
B: What the ! If I can't find my keys it's no Regina tonite .Gaaaaaay. True Story
Text her back a " I can't wait either :0) Not Gonna Lie ."
Though uh yeah Reeealy was. It's almost five and the suns still up thank God. I've only a prayer and a cell phone and a lil mile davis to calm me down. This is gonna suck , I'm sure
5:00
I walk back to the dorms to my friend Hugh Speds room. He's on his new computer doing God knows What . I'm just glad it's static free so when he..um yeah. Anyway Hugh and Riddler are doing nerdish things I wish I could be doin , and I tell him
Mr. Bob : Dude I Lost My Keys
Hugh and Riddler Simultaneously : Dude That Sucks.
Hugh : You can borrow my car if you want.
Mr. Bob : Thank You
That was not the only time I'd hear "Well That Sucks" come out of a friends mouth. If' I'd made it to Brookes in time I wish "Sucks that well " would've came out of my mouth in Yoda like Fashion
Time is going on like a mad man watching Flavor Of Love asking himself " why did Hanky the Christmas Poo get his own show? He looks so life like" With Hughs car almost at empty , I quickly rush it to the parking lot , give him his keys back , borrow a hoody ( which I still have to wash ) and I'm back to walking the same path again which is about two miles.
6:00
I'm sure now a Prairie Dog mistook me for Hines The Dak Rat Hunter and stole my keys. It's plain to see now that my keys are long gone. Sooooo GAY! I go back and look in my dorms again and I see Jersey a friend of mine in his Tom Cruise in Cocktail sunglasses waving hello. I tell him my situation and he says
"That sucks.Dude , we must find these keys. It's almost as if we're like Bill and Ted but like you're Bill Cosby or something"
We search in his car , search somemore and search again. No Cigar but alot of cigarette butts. Looking towards the sun and down at my watch it's now . OH MY GOODNESS Eight O CLock!!!!
Two Missed Text Messages
One From Sparrow
One From Brooke
Sparrow
Heard about the key situation. That Sucks . Not gonna lie. What are you gonna do?
Brooke
Hey Babe! I'm here at the Party , let me know when you get here. I'm in this hot ass red dress and all the guys are checkin out my cleavage.
I text sparrow:
I'm going to keep looking . The suns going down so the keys are going to have to shine somewhere.
I Text Brooke:
Brookie Bear I have a confession to make . I lost my keys while I was running .
No text back so far.
8:30 : I've done approx. 12 miles on foot mostly walking. My keys are no where to be found. It's mad! I'm going insane asking God " Why Can't I Find My KEYS! I'm Not Yelling or Questioning you but Please Help!" ... I still can't find them.
Two new Text messages
Brooke.
:/ I guess you're not goin then. I got all dressed up for nothing. Didn't I tell you running was bad. At least you had a legit excuse. You want me to come help?
Sparrow
Well I have faith God will help you find your keys.
I respond with a Yes To Brooke and I know he will to Sparrow
It's getting dark and I'm getting nowhere . My keys long gone . Passer by must've took em or kids getting off the bus. It's a shame when you are feeling better bout yourself and the Devil wants your demise immediately.
I thought about it though and I'd rather lose my keys than a loved one. I get back to my locked dorm and the Cops come and let me in. Brooke come later in cute sweatpants and a Red Target shirt. She's beautiful and here for me . It's refreshing.
I never found my keys that day. They said the party was one of those You'd Had to be there. Even The Boon E Suzuki was there break dancing. Celeste and Watts where doin body shots off of midgets snorting cocaine off of white girls who acted black who danced like Hispanics with problems while Tony Molae did the soulja boy with Airborne Regional Caldwellus who proclaimed Caucasia was coming who did the strangest thing and made a very drunk Beansy who was with her home girl Kristaal rapped about the war all this while on that patron!
Party's these daze are overrated and Sparrow said none of that happened anyway. Pure Sausage fest were her exact words though I'm sure she was tryin to make me feel better.
I miss you my keys , come back and lets drive on and open the doors to new horizons.
-Mr Bob
(c) 2008
Listening to Rick Ross's Everyday I'm Hustlin gets me pumped as I run around. Headphones in ears , my phone on blast and my keys a jingling. 60 minutes of happiness and enlightenment. I felt God in my soul running down the sidewalk of a No Morale town . Sweat comes off my head as I go to the Shoppete as water is a must. So there I am running Headphones in ears , my phone on blast and my ke... My KEYS! Where the hell are my keys?! I look around searching desperately for them.
4:00pm
I walk the same path over and over .
One New Text Message
Brooke
I'm Really Excited about our nite ! I have to tell you , I've always been stood up though , but I know you're different. By the way, No Undies tonite Hehe . :)
Two thoughts came to mind :
When she said no undies , did she mean me or her?
B: What the ! If I can't find my keys it's no Regina tonite .Gaaaaaay. True Story
Text her back a " I can't wait either :0) Not Gonna Lie ."
Though uh yeah Reeealy was. It's almost five and the suns still up thank God. I've only a prayer and a cell phone and a lil mile davis to calm me down. This is gonna suck , I'm sure
5:00
I walk back to the dorms to my friend Hugh Speds room. He's on his new computer doing God knows What . I'm just glad it's static free so when he..um yeah. Anyway Hugh and Riddler are doing nerdish things I wish I could be doin , and I tell him
Mr. Bob : Dude I Lost My Keys
Hugh and Riddler Simultaneously : Dude That Sucks.
Hugh : You can borrow my car if you want.
Mr. Bob : Thank You
That was not the only time I'd hear "Well That Sucks" come out of a friends mouth. If' I'd made it to Brookes in time I wish "Sucks that well " would've came out of my mouth in Yoda like Fashion
Time is going on like a mad man watching Flavor Of Love asking himself " why did Hanky the Christmas Poo get his own show? He looks so life like" With Hughs car almost at empty , I quickly rush it to the parking lot , give him his keys back , borrow a hoody ( which I still have to wash ) and I'm back to walking the same path again which is about two miles.
6:00
I'm sure now a Prairie Dog mistook me for Hines The Dak Rat Hunter and stole my keys. It's plain to see now that my keys are long gone. Sooooo GAY! I go back and look in my dorms again and I see Jersey a friend of mine in his Tom Cruise in Cocktail sunglasses waving hello. I tell him my situation and he says
"That sucks.Dude , we must find these keys. It's almost as if we're like Bill and Ted but like you're Bill Cosby or something"
We search in his car , search somemore and search again. No Cigar but alot of cigarette butts. Looking towards the sun and down at my watch it's now . OH MY GOODNESS Eight O CLock!!!!
Two Missed Text Messages
One From Sparrow
One From Brooke
Sparrow
Heard about the key situation. That Sucks . Not gonna lie. What are you gonna do?
Brooke
Hey Babe! I'm here at the Party , let me know when you get here. I'm in this hot ass red dress and all the guys are checkin out my cleavage.
I text sparrow:
I'm going to keep looking . The suns going down so the keys are going to have to shine somewhere.
I Text Brooke:
Brookie Bear I have a confession to make . I lost my keys while I was running .
No text back so far.
8:30 : I've done approx. 12 miles on foot mostly walking. My keys are no where to be found. It's mad! I'm going insane asking God " Why Can't I Find My KEYS! I'm Not Yelling or Questioning you but Please Help!" ... I still can't find them.
Two new Text messages
Brooke.
:/ I guess you're not goin then. I got all dressed up for nothing. Didn't I tell you running was bad. At least you had a legit excuse. You want me to come help?
Sparrow
Well I have faith God will help you find your keys.
I respond with a Yes To Brooke and I know he will to Sparrow
It's getting dark and I'm getting nowhere . My keys long gone . Passer by must've took em or kids getting off the bus. It's a shame when you are feeling better bout yourself and the Devil wants your demise immediately.
I thought about it though and I'd rather lose my keys than a loved one. I get back to my locked dorm and the Cops come and let me in. Brooke come later in cute sweatpants and a Red Target shirt. She's beautiful and here for me . It's refreshing.
I never found my keys that day. They said the party was one of those You'd Had to be there. Even The Boon E Suzuki was there break dancing. Celeste and Watts where doin body shots off of midgets snorting cocaine off of white girls who acted black who danced like Hispanics with problems while Tony Molae did the soulja boy with Airborne Regional Caldwellus who proclaimed Caucasia was coming who did the strangest thing and made a very drunk Beansy who was with her home girl Kristaal rapped about the war all this while on that patron!
Party's these daze are overrated and Sparrow said none of that happened anyway. Pure Sausage fest were her exact words though I'm sure she was tryin to make me feel better.
I miss you my keys , come back and lets drive on and open the doors to new horizons.
-Mr Bob
(c) 2008
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