The Elaborate ( And I Use That Word A lot) Words Of The Bowel Movement Present : Balloons

The Elaborate ( And I Use That Word A lot) Words Of The Bowel Movement Present : Balloons Why We Love Them and Why With Pure Hatred The Suffocate the Young. A Report By Senior Reporter not Senior Robert " Roberto" Burford Jr.
I Love Balloons. Balloons are something I've grown up with. The way they look and feel. Receiving them as well as giving them on one's birthday or accidentally giving a big sponge bob one at a funeral. And a personal favorite of mine , making one's out of the condom I was wearing ( yes wearing , it is mine you know) seeing as she said she was coming back , but truthfully no one was coming that nite , but alas I whole heartedly digress .
Now one might say " Oh Robert , you must be one of those Fetish people with the love of the balloon and all , I bet you have sex with em seeing as yer lonely" to which I'd reply "It's a change from ( expletive ) your mom and your sister seeing as sadly they're both paralyzed from the waste down" , but like I said one might say. I'm not a mean guy , but doggonit the balloons is a national treasure.
Balloon History:
Dating back to when Jesus was born ,the balloon was introduced in the form of Frankincense which is Hebrew for "Lookaatatheniceaballoona" . Jesus was delighted and as one of his first miracles made the Frankincense float which is why it is little known to man that it is Helium which if you think about it sounds off ly close to Healing um , which is what Jesus did.
I gathered all my material and went to a nice place , very family oriented call The Red Light District , a large and very friendly place in the Heart of Amsterdam. Amongst the crevasse of RLD"s oldest prostitute aptly named Pinta Maria Santa , I reached in seeing as it was only fifty cents and a dare from the local if some what rather undressed patrons to do so.Alas I say as my arm looks like it was in that of a cow giving birth , Columbus's diary in a Bottle. ( Not that it matter but if you must know other things I found were a Baby though it was forty two and smoking , buried treasure ( the chocolate which was rather stale for my taste) and a 12 month subscription to Us Weekly which sadly I had to turn down seeing as I already had one)
I was able with the help of some of the Bowel Movement team ( Samuel , Derix , Janel ,Piptin, Maria ,Cousin Fulton, Ashley, The Caldwells , Eric , Courtney and Preston ) to transcribe the seminal yet slimy text its more stable translation. Out of Two months and a lot of paperwork here are Two Paragraphs.

The Columbus Cliff Notes ( In British , English and Stereotypical)

1492: We've Sailed the Seven Seas! Alas we have reached the place with the people and the what not. I uh would've uh got here a sooner but uh the ship came down with a mean case of something we have no name for. I believe it is that of the wenches we brought along ( Syphia Phillis , Clemmy Dia and Sexually Transmitted Diseases with Sexually being the most beautiful of them all ) We brought along there shrew of a whore mother Iva Herpes , which we proceeded to throw off the ship seventeen time but she just kept coming back which brought a lot of discharge to the deck. It was John Penicillin who finally got rid of her. Though a shrew , she loved us all and gave us a rather warm sensation.But I uh digressa. It's about seven thirty and we are still unpacken. I see a fire so maybe there's a nice kosher family over there. I take my gun , Sexually Transmitted Diseases and some of my men and ask politely ' Oy Is This Place Taken'? to which they reply No Mang it's crazy , like we live here and what not but you can stay here and like chill out " Being a spainard , and it being the new year I could tell these were my men playing a trick on me seeing as Nostradamus predicted Stereotypicalisms would not be cool til 2007. Ah the native saw us and came to greet us in a very nice fashion.

The Second Paragraph ( About Two Days from the period of the last sentence)

As I lay in my hut the sla I mean natives made for me , I felt a rather odd sensation on my (expletive) . It looked like that of a over stuff custard pie. "Discharge on a Tuesday how odd?" I said to myself looking at my Uncircumcised Sharona. The Chief High Priest or Simply Earl came into my tent."How ?" he said. " How indeed " I said as I looked at it . " You look sick , let chief priestess look at you " he said as he call for her. Discharge on a Tuesday must not be so bad , I get to get fondle by the chief priestess. After fainting from the seven swift blow to my crotch the chief priestess gave me upon seeing my well what used to be my member I am greeted by my lady love Pinta Santa Maria a name I bestowed my Native mistress though I'm not married. She hands me these Frankincense's that say You Get , the other one saying Well , and the other saying Son seeing as the Natives were not that of spelling nature but neither are we. These are my last words I'm writing before I safely tuck it in the crevasse of my lady love seeing as she has seen more action than this Robert Burford Jr , Nostradamus is talking about but hey really the way he's talkin about this guy who hasn't?

The Bowel Movement would like to report that after many Therapy Sessions , Robert Burford Jr or Mr. Bob will go on with this story

Wasn't that neat Ladies and Gentleman, that I pull out a something out of a lady seemingly older that the world and find out not only about balloons in the new world but I was a "Even I'm getting more than" reference sense 1492? I know it was for me. Lets move on
In conclusion , Balloons while being great for get well soons and birthdays and anniversaries , why not come out with the balloon of truth. I'd love to give a Balloon to a newlywed couple that says " I think it's going to work" . Or one to a old couple that say " Make Sure you Enjoy Today , By The Looks Of things It's Close". Or maybe to that special someone that says " That's Expletive , You Gave Me Herpes" . I and I'm closing would like to take this opportunity to salute you Aimra Sagvean for creating the balloon as well as being part of the first all boy band The Th3ee Wise Men" , Have a Good Nite America and Remember , if every time you unzip your pants and you get a standing ovations , you have the Clap.
This has been Robert Burford Jr. reporting for The Bowel Movement
© TBM 2007 Cause Shit Happens and Fecal Matters.