Phil O Pean Tube.

So Long Farewell To Thee
HA thought it was going to be depressing!
It's crazy you know? What you ask ? The affects of Benadryl. I got high off of Benadryl. What does that say about my life? I'm a pill popping light weight. I had three days of Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas induced hallucinations. All I need was a Dr. Gonzo advising me to Lift something heavy seeing as I have the lovely state of mono. Ruptured Spleenage!
It all started Thursday . Splotches everywhere , cramps , and the feeling of death . It's great! Sarah , My Beautiful and Very Sarcastic Girlfriend , was over taking care of me and by that I mean sleeping peacefully , didn't even see the shear sweat patruding from my scalp. I don't blame her though , I don't sweat actual sweat , I sweat gatorade which I finally figured out was actually blood! Yay huh? Around Ten at nite is when the hallutionations started. It started with a dream in which I was getting the help of all that lived around me to profess something to Sarah and it was going to be Huge I say Huge! No it wasn't that , that's just a stereotypical myth . By the way , it's it weird to be stereotypical if you have mono , Is it like possible?
So as I woke up from my first dream of nitemares , I expected a fanfare of all this hard work I did in this dream world and uh nothing. Just a sweaty pillow and a unfullfillment. All this before the The Benadryl Episodes! So why all these delusionistic forays? I'm getting there. As I tell a very tired Sarah of my fabricated exploits , she calmly tells me " Ok Robert" and quickly goes back to sleep. I love her.
Dream Two :
In this dream we're in a sorta 1930's esque mid town Manhattan sort of deal , and I'm among the white folks so it must of not been Manhattan but Canada as I hadn't been called the N word and I didn't hear the words " Come Work On My Farm In Mississippi Boi" which to some folks is not racist at all. Anyway , I try to talk to these folks and they cannot talk to me . "What the hell!" I say in a non Canadian Manner. So making a long story short , these people can only communicate in Puns and Jokes. Alot of coversations being as such
"Do you know why the black guy can't escape the dream he's he's in?"
"Probably cause he's sick and can't fend for himself Eh"
Which led me to believe that
A: Comedy didn't start in Canada
and B: Canadians Are Just A Confused as a 23 year old black man.
Waking up again , this time on the floor (it was more comfortable) I say "To hell with this" which I'm sure came out " Ugh The Pain" I go to take a shower.
The Itching is even more so , the pain is that of a trainwreck with 20 thousand women and seven confused men with cramps . I have to see a doctor. I'm confused , I have a fever and I'm tripping balls everywhere.

The Next Day :
Sarah and I go to the "doctor"
Why do I say the "Doctor" ? Cause I can and it's not really a hospital but a PRP clinic. I'd tell you what that meant but it's too much B.S. to put in one story , ya dig? Anyway after 30 minutes I'm seen and the "Doctor" tells me what I already know, I do indeed have a fever and a bad rash . I think his last name is Dr. Statetheobvious or Dr. Duh. Anyway , one Urine Sample and Blood Sample later ( They Refused My Stool Sample , saying it wasn't needed) the Doctor tried to find my vein to take some blood to which to Sarah and mines amusement he couldn't. .
"You should go to the ER"
Yay? Sarah takes me to the ER seeing as I'm so out of it I don't know what's going on anyway. Supposedly I tested negative for Mono at the "Clinic" so lets see what the real doctors have to say.
I'm there for not 30 minutes and I get told that I'm Positive for Mono " Uh huh figured as much" and that I was dehydrated Oh I forgot to to tell you I had a temp of 102 which explains my Weird O dreams. Laying there , I get calls from my parents and Sarah. I'm itching bad. It's horrible. I felt like ripping my skin off and throwing it away like in that Robbie Williams video.
I get discharged around 10:30 or 22:30 if you're Military or SuperDuperPartytime if you're Gaaaay.
This is the worst Friday I've ever had , a friday that would have a even worse Saturday and Sunday.
-Mr Bob