Key Largo.

Being in a funk for 31 Days I've realized that broken hearts are indeed for assholes and the women who love them. I'm not one of them....

Key Largo , New Words and Dance Moves.
By Robert Lee Burford Jr.


Traveling to Key Largo was a handful. From the Stewardess who kept flirting with me Osmosisly ( either it was her lipstick or the Tranny on my left with the herpes sore) while I was asleep , to the ramblings of the white girl who kept insisting she was black , before I told you can only say Nigga Please , push your thumb against your nose and Pop your collar so much before you realize you look like a dumbass with a Stereo Typical Disease or the Other STD. Stepping off the plane was that of sweet relief. I'm loving this weather here and look there's my limo . I could tell it was mine seeing as the driver was a beautiful blond name Monique and she had the words "Ride For Mr Bob" written in Marker between her cleavage.
Why am I in Key Largo you ask? Nosy Bastard , I'm searching for new words. Let me explain , you see words in today's society are really dyslexic in their meaning. For Examples:

I was walking with a Friend of mine and he said " Damn this song makes me feel so HARD rite now" To which I thought " Why do I want to know that you have a boner listening to Rick Ross? I know he's the The Boss but come on , I'm sure I didn't want to know about your Erection"

Another instance. I didn't want to drive down a dark road and my then girlfriend whom again thought she was black said " Damn , You Scary" which if you think about means I'm scared of you but in turn Mr Bob is rite yet wrong at the same time. She explained " It means damn you're scared of whats in front of you" To which again I replied with " Um can't just say You're Scared..hmmm too much huh? Yeah too much to ask?" To which she being the thug she thought pulled out a nine , sadly she was mistaken ed as it was four ones and a five , as she was indeed , a fan of 50 cent.

Being 23 and Single (ladies?) I've realized that I've said alot of slang words like Groovy , loser and my favorite Youbaldimpotentbastard . ( At this time I'd try to stay at the Hudden Hotel , though by pictures on my space , they insisted singles only , though looking inside it was just A Sausage fest with a couple of Supreme Tacos. Nothing special. So I decided to stay at Full Ton Resort , a place where you're always welcome and the food and alcohol run rampant) I meet up with Samuel Boonsten , a connoisseur of new slang.

Sam: How goes it Mr. Bob?

Bob: It goes , it goes. Now I understand you..

Sam : Really? Not gonna ask me how I am?

Bob : Scuse me , how are you?

Sam : Ah nope that time has past , just get on with it

Bob : All rite. What are some new words?

Sam : I mean not even a how are you? Rudeness .

Bob : Um , said I was sorry.

Sam : Well anyway , there are alot and I mean alot of new slang words. Um today I heard one where you say " Damn Baby , you're so Tilex"

Bob : Tilex ?

Sam : Yes you rude boring bastard . It mean Wow you're so clean without anyone touching you.
It's taking the world by storm.

Bob : Hmmm , I hear there's one that ladies like now?

Sam : Yes it's um ..... oh "Damn Girl , You're Loreal"

Bob: Loreal?

Sam : I wish you would let me finish a story. I mean if you wanted Cliff notes , I would've wrote you. Wow , rude again. Now as I was saying , "You're Loreal" it's telling that special woman in your life , wow baby you're so worth it'

Bob : Huh. Well it sounds to me that it's mostly commercial slogans that are taking the nation by storm

Sam: It would to you you bald bastard. You ever hear someone go , Thats so Geico? Huh? You ever heard of That's Straight Barnacles? No ? A lil person named Spongebob , heard of him? Figures. Now can I finish or you I mean Really? You Serious? Really?

Bob: Go ahead ....schmuck

Sam : HOW DARE YOU. I'll go on but we sir are going to engage in the most vicious type of fisticuffs. Anyway , you go up to your girl rite ? The new thing you say , is venereal diseases . That's so doe rite now ,you heard ? Like you go

"Hey Baby , wow you look beautiful rite now. You got me so herpes rite now." You see that mean like oh I got this good warm sensation going on. It's like I never want you to go away. You dig? I should get arrested by the mental police for indecent exposure cause I'm straight blowin your mind and invisi semen is flowing from the ear drum. That's rite sir, you just had an eargasm.

Bob : Yeeeaahh , um sorry what? I pretty sure that's the gayest thing I've ever heard in my life. It's not an eargasm if you're getting mindfucked.

Sam : Oh ok funny ... hahaha. Anyway , last word of the STDs is
"Say you have a crush rite? You're like damn baby you got me straight syphillis" She's drivin you so crazy rite now. You're like "Ain't no cure , you got me buggin" which is true cause most people who are buggin have aids the bug.

Bob : Wow ,so this was really unexpected. Um you're really rude. Thanks Sam.
(A Man comes over)
Larry : Hi bob , I'm hear to talk about words with you

Bob : (confused) if you're hear to talk words , then who was

(Sam runs away)

It was a shame , though most of those words were the new slang as it turns out.

New Dance Moves:

The Steering Wheel Is Too High

Damn It Hot Huur

Are you sure you have herpes?

The Heart Attack

The Muhammad Ali

So many dances. So Lil Time


I'm Robert "Mr. Bob" Burford reporting. Look for The New Dances Moves Explanation , Another Love Story I'm Sure and Why It's called Vagina for a reason.

(c) 2008 Welcome Back Hack.