Tonite was a bummer of a nite. It was misunderstandings ala no audience laughter amongst us. I wish I could say I was the bad guy in the situation but I'm not. In fact , if anything I don't know what I am . Just Mr. Bob I suppose.
The Marlow's Complex
I am a certified Neurotic. Do I want to be? No . It came to me through life's hidden nuances and my thought ,yes like my hair , receding. My life is great , yet the love in this club aspect still remains a mystery. I think of it this way. I'm not that bad of a guy. In fact I've been call " Too Nice " or "What A Nice Guy" or " Oh I thought he was Gay" . Now you might think me insane , and I am but I've always been down the road always traveled. If i didn't I'd be on the straight track to relationship like happiness. I've come across many women in my life. Everything from Bakers to Vdubs , snagglepusses to sparrows. Yet it's as if I'm watching the same movie all the time.
I always think of it like this. I always see a trailer for a great movie.The timing is right , and i can't what to see it. Now it's strange as , when you get the real movie , you're not happy anymore. All the good things were in the trailers and you're still looking for a marquee with nothing but good things I want to see.
Now don't get me wrong. I don't think of myself as this "Oh my God look at him" kind of guy. I'm more of the " Excuse me sir , you forgot to tie your ... Oh I didn't see you had leukemia due to the patches on your head" kind of guy. It's sort of like Gods weird scavenger hunt. I've found the plain Jane , the crazy psycho bitch , the one were it felt rite but it was flash forward to fast , and the one who sees what she wants in me but cannot grasp the fact .
Now I'm not perfect , I wear my heart on my sleeve as if it was tattooed there by a Buddhist monk some years ago. I thought I was so cool cause I had no more Mr. Nice Guy by Alice Cooper which still to this day makes me wonder why anyone would name there demonic son Alice and not Eric " Hot Damn" Boone. It's all good to say the least. I've found my self slowly drowning in the smoothness sans the rough edges of vodka bottles. I'm not an alcoholic and this is three years beyond a cry for help. Just airing my grievances to the five people who'll read this and the three times I proofread it to make sure it's' my space friendly.
I've been told I've been way too nice and thats my downfall . Judging from tonites happenings , I'm sure that it will be my demise. My niceness is causing me to hate even more. Like REEAAALLLY HATE. The thought of a relationship (speaking terms of myself) makes me want to watch a Dane Cook /Carlos Mencia special while Top Gun is in the background. Yes that is my version of hell. Sometimes though , watching the asshole from the sideline liquor the girl you've been eying up , and then they cry on your shoulder and wonder why "all guys" are bad but again are crying on my shoulder , it makes me wonder , should I care at all.
I'm leaning towards a hell no and a wow what a moment of enlightenment. The cloudy truth. Aside from my mom and some others , I don't think I should care anymore. My heart is becoming like the Grinch in the end but in reverse. I feel as if I'm turning into some green monster with yellow teeth that hate all the hoos in hooville.
Do I think I'll stay that way?
No but the way things have been going , I'm libel to say something . It'll shoot out like a cannon and I'm sure I'm going to inhale the smoke from the shot and have it engulf my lungs in gray guilt over the sudden outburst of the 1812 overture cannon shots. I love this world , yet ad mist the love of family and the love of friends , I'm growing more to loathe the inane aspects of subtle nastiness.
Well That's all I had to say. If you'd like to comment please do. Nobody will though, It's a nice thought. Well as I think of how I'm going to see this sparrow and if it'll fly when I'm around , I tell you Good Nite ,Love Life and loathe only those who thoroughly deserve it.
Be Safe
Mr. Bob (c) 2008
No comments:
Post a Comment