Mrboblovesatire. A Break Up Press Conference

Bob : I'm here to announce that I , Robert L Burford Jr , am indeed ... a single man again

(gasp from the crowd)

Bob: Oh I know it comes as a shock to me too. I tell you what happened . I um was doing an open heart surgery on my friend Eric , don't worry we do it all the time seeing as the buzzing operation gets annoying. Um , I ah performed it perfectly and my now ex looked at me and said and I quote " You don't excite me anymore"

(Wha? The Crowd Looks Confused)

Bob : Riiite Riiite , I know. One time I saved an entire building of dogs and was named the town hero and she yawned and said " Oh , well you didn't do it in slow motion" and I was like " What?" and she was like " I watch movies and that was pathetic" She loved cats so that's why I left those to burn , no I 'm jokin. Oh and another time I gave her flowers and she shot me . I mean literally shot me , with a magnum , it was ROUGH. I um woke up out of a coma and she came to visit me and said it was boring that I didn't die. I was like " You Douchebag" It was weird. I'll take questions now


Ric Boonekins from Art's and Crafts for the Elderly New : Yes , um how did she break up with you exactly ?

Bob : Good question guy from the magazine I made up as an Ironic reference. Um , I was running and I was shot five times in the back and stabbed once. What had happened was she shot me with the hardened stems from the flowers she's gotten from Valentines Day. The last thing I saw was the image of dead roses and oddly enough a note that said " You're off my Top Eight Biotch" but hey it's just my space rite?

Ashley Martinez of The Bandita : Mr. Bob if you will , elaborate as to how boring you are.

Bob : Sure , I remember one time I worked for the circus and almost died several times. I played the part of Horton's egg in a production of Hamlet ,or was it a skull ? Anyway , I was sued due to the fact my boredom was that vicious. I've killed old ladies by helping them cross the street , well I mean that wasn't so much boredom as much as it was me leaving them there in the middle

Preston Highspeed of the Inco Herrin: Was the sex boring?

Bob : Well that's hard to say , but I'll tell you this : She did finish crime and punishment . It's kind of disheartening when you hear " Oh that's it , TO BE Or NOT TO BE!" I became so afraid that I couldn't last long that it affected me and she switched from long plays to Dr. Suess books.

Samuel Burford of the MyBrotha Herald : If you had to pick a song that reminded you of the heartbreak you had , what would it be?

Bob : I'm going to say , whats the name of the Elvis Presley hit ? Oh Hound Dog.

Sparrow of the Copycat Times : Alot people have said that it's not that you're boring but it's sort of weird that they arrest you for reading to old people which in turn kills them.

Bob : Not true. I um read to kids. The call me Ritalin in the schools . I read them the first chapter of Fight Club and instant sleep. I met a substitute teacher , but she said it would never work out because I wasn't thirteen. Last Question.

McKenzie of the Whiskey's a Day Blog : (Coughs)

Bob: That's a great question . No I don't know what the future holds. Will I continue to bore those whom I've come to know. Just the other day I was afraid to make my voicemail . It would be gay to have a girl you like call you and then you find out she's dead due to lack of "Please listen to the music while your party is reached" you know? I don't think I'm boring , if anything I'm bald and I say atleast simple people have something to look at rite? Now if you excuse me Bigboobpass has updates and I'm single again. Thank you and Good Nite.

This Has Been A BORING Bowel Movement Exclusive.

(C) zzzzzZZZ I mean 2008