The Bowel Movement Presents.... The Cookie Monster Murder

Just Because Silence Stands Solid In A Melting Pot Of Madness with a little bit of logic, it doesn't mean I can't share my stories with people who liked them.

The Bowel Movement Toilet Newspaper Front Page
By Robert Burford Jr.

It's as if all the Cookies in the World went Stale when he died- Grover

The Death of The Cookie Monster By Robert Burford Jr. ( Sesame Street , Rhode Island)
It was a grim setting here on Sesame Street where usually the sunny days sweep the clouds away. Stephen S. Cook or known to his friends as "The Cookie Monster" was found dead of a Cookie Overdose due to his sudden case of Diabetes and lacerations to his wrist . Some speculate that Cookie Monster was not happy with the changes here on Sesame Street , changes such as : Burt and Ernie's sudden split due to both finding out they were heterosexual , Oscars dependency on Zoloft and Cookie Monsters unhappiness with not being able to eat cookies at will but being forced to uphold a" strict healthy image" and eat vegetables. Cookie Monster ,42, was last heard as saying things as " ME DEPRESSED , ME WANT COOKIES , ME SEEK HELP AND DA LORD" to which the little kid next to him replied " Cookie Monster you Crazy !"
Continued on page 10.
Page 4 footnote
Elmo on the Cookie Monster Tragedy :
Elmo Sad , Elmo changed name for cookie monster and called himself Emo. Elmo in to the sad things in life like dying flowers , 30 Seconds to Mars and Ashlee Simpson putting out another album. Elmo not ticklish now that Emo has got the best of him . Sad starts with an S.
Index
Dora the Explorer Deported : Page 20
Winnie The Pooh Gets Gastric Surgery and fills 78,000 Jars : Page 45
COokiemonster Continuation : Page 10 10 Ah Ah Ah
Blue from Blues Clues Put to Sleep :Page 56
The Wiggles Come Out Of The Closet : Page 35
Bear in a Big House , Accidentally Tranquilized : Page 54
Kermit The Frog Has Kid With Miss Piggy Though Babies have the face of Animal. Page 400
Canada Starts With A C : Page 70

Page 10
Continued from page one: Cookie Monster later went home sobbed in his hand and called Grover "Starts with a G" Monster (otherwise known as the underrated Grover) Cookie's Cousin and confidant.The Final Phone Call was recorded thanks to the Patriot Act and went as such:

Cookie: Grover , Me Sad , Me Need Cookies ( sobbing ) Me stop talking and let Grover speak to give me guidance .

Grover: ( in his regular albeit non Muppet voice) Cook , let me tell you man , there's life beyond the Street ( Sesame) and beyond cookies. You have so much talent. You did summer stock , Shakespeare in the park. Remember the 1 man show you did for 2 weeks and 3 critics for 4 nights and afterwards gave you a high 5 for 6 albeit 7 reasons though 8 of the 9 audience members wanted there 10 buck back

( The Count in the background 10 10 bucks Eh Eh Eh)

Grover: Shut it Count. Like I said you have so much to live for .

Cookie: You Right . Me Feel A little bit better . Me tired me sleep. G is for Goodnite Grover

Grover : G is for Goodnite Cookie.

(audible click.)

That was the last thing Cookie said in his life. Sam Grumpalumpakus , Police Chief in Sename Avenue ( thee urban side of Sesame) released this statement in the apparent Murder Suicide of Cookie Monster.
Sam Grumpalumpakus , Chief of Police in Sename Avenue had this to say:
"It appears we have lost not only a friend to the community but a friend to all of America and around the world. The Precinct here in Sename Avenue will do our best to find the reason behind the alleged overdose. Our sources have speculated that Frozzie Bear and Swedish Chef are behind this most henious of crime scenes. The Cookies Cookie Monster bought were from same, and it's apperent that Swedish Chef real name Ric Boonkins was the baker of the cookies that ended in Cookies Demise. Since 1999 Frozzie Bear has had a Grudge against Cookie due to Cookies Impromtu Upstaging of Bears performances at Comic Relief . The cut marks are not of a self affliction but that of someone Else's work. A set up , a sad set up we're looking into.Good nite and G is for God Bless." End Statement.
We tried to talk to Frozzie Bear but this was all he had to say
Robert : Frozzie Bear do you have anything you wish to say against these allegations?
Frozzie Bear :(angrily) WAKA WAKA!
We will keep you updated as this case goes a long.As well as the apparent affair Cookie Monster had with Miss Piggy . She had this to say. "cookies weren't the only thing he ate sloppy"
This has been Robert Burford Reporting The Bowel Movement Toilet Paper
©2007